Wednesday 29 July 2009

  Page Ten

                                                                     

I’m here in Turners for the 2nd day in a row, doing my haunting, and being haunted in return. I need to live here again, and can’t find any way of doing it right away because of wait lists in subsidized places. I need to go to sleep and wake up in the town where I did so with animals for nearly 22 years. And for 33 years before Turners, I always lived with animals. I can’t erase the pain and emptiness of having a life-long choice taken from me. I had to make my own world. For decades one of my own worlds was one I made in my head, and all my life animals were another one of my own worlds, and books and music made up another. The older I got, especially after 40, the more acutely I realized that I couldn’t deal with worlds other than my own, and I didn’t want to anymore. It has nothing to do with being delusional: I’ve never heard voices or seen things that aren’t there or simply dreamed things up. I think it has to do with Asperger’s that has gotten more severe as I’ve aged and been subjected to more and more psychological warfare.

I’ve called the tree a peace tree. That’s not what it’s called in the catalog, but rather my own name for this tree on this post. Peace is something the denizens of this town would never let me and my animals have.

(artificial tree at www.signals.com)

~~~~~~~  website  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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