Monday 24 August 2009

Page Twenty-four


Almost out of my allowed time.                                                                                             

Where do I go to find anne nakis… into the past. Into the days and years before 12 March 2008. It’s hard to go there much without my own apartment; my behavior where I live now is scrutinized to some degree. My ability to find who I was is very limited. But that’s all I want, to live in the past where I was me. Follow a backward path into any day before that day in 2008.

The present isn’t mine, isn’t me. I no longer want a truce with the non-autistic world. I want to sink into the past where I was me, and sink into the Asperger’s, not wishing to try to “normalize” myself to any degree anymore. It didn’t work anyway. Whenever I was working my hardest to fit in, I was still way too off the mainstream. Still was bullied, made fun of, excluded, whatever.

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(stone mat at




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