the fall

Page Twenty-nine

Friday 11 September 2009…   Greenfield

It always happens… after I go to Turners Falls for a couple of days, walking among my memories and the places where my life that was my life took place, I fall. I start falling before I even get on the bus back to Greenfield, knowing it will be nearly a week before I can go back. Fall into deeper emptiness, deeper loneliness, deeper fear of existing day after day in a life that’s not my own. Deeper anger. Withdrawing more and more into my Aspergers self.

That’s where I am again today, knowing I can’t return to Turners until Wednesday. Knowing I have to find whatever ways I can to murder away every minute until then. Knowing from my therapist that I was supposed to get my animals back, that there had been a plan that was kept from me. Knowing that it fell through, but not knowing why. And this week finally an admission that I will probably not ever really get over this, this stealing of my whole family in one day. Thank you, sir. It’s what I’ve been trying to tell you all along. He’s a good therapist, but he has that unwillingness that they all have in mental health professions to accept that some people don’t and won’t get “well.”

~~~~~~~  website  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(jewelry at www.gaelsong.com)

 

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