Wednesday 30 December 2009

Page Forty-four 

Turners Falls

For my 14 stolen friends:  My second New Year’s without you, without my own life

I remember that it snowed and snowed on January 1, 2008, the last New Year’s we had together, and that the dogs and I walked joyfully and singing in that snow. At least, I was singing. I was singing our best snow song.


But what my animals don’t know, because they had all probably been euthanized by that time, is that 2008 ended the same way it began. On 31 Dec 08 it snowed and snowed, just it had on the first day of that year. My existence was one thing in the snow of the first day of 2008, and quite another thing in the snow of the last day. Snow can never be for me again what it was on the first of January, in 2008, when I snow-joyed in the new year with my dogs.

Here’s a piece of our best snow-song (Amid the Falling Snow, music by Enya, lyrics by R. Ryan):


           A million feathers falling down.
           A million stars that touch the ground.
           So many secrets to be found
           amid the falling snow.



              ~~~~~~~  website  ~~~~~~~

yule eve, 2009

Page Forty-three


Mishi and Brainse                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Shiloh and Judah and Mandy                                                                                                         

Chailin and Ziidjian and Chan                                                                                                         

Aram and Abel and Chani                                                                                                                

Canajoharie, Tuuschi and Lizzie Bean                                                                                        

I haven’t forgotten. I never will.

~~~  website  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Page Forty-two

Tuesday 8 December 2009…  Turners Falls hauntingly

Body and soul as if wading through mud, the deep, heavy mud of the second November and Thanksgiving without my own life and my family. And now the second December, and Solstice and Yule. I don’t want to move from my bed in the mud. I have to wrench myself, force myself out of it, as if out of quicksand.                    

Dear, sorrowful memories of 2007, our last holiday season together. Ugly memories too: of eviction, of the Department of Mental Health doing nothing at all to keep some of us together, of unrelenting harassment by the mafia-connected psycho-tenant, and finally harassing her back. She gave me the opportunity, and I took it. But the time and energy spent returning her harassment took time and energy away from being present with my animals, just before I lost them.

Not only a ghost who both haunts and is haunted, but a flimsy ghost moving through mercilessly thick mud. Wandering, wading; always tired, always beaten down.

~~~~~~~~  website  ~~~~~~~~~   Share  ~~~~~~~~


winter solstice

Page Forty-one

1. Wed 2 Dec 2009, Turners Falls

    ROMEO    wherefore art thou, little snow bird

                       3 December 1990

     BONNIE JEANNE   run, if you will, to the top of the hill

                       23 April 1930 – 3 December 2004

2. Sat 5 Dec 2009, Greenfield

  BRUCIE   bruiser’s only for babies                                       

                       7 December 1995

   JÜRGEN    the color of some indefinite

                          squash   (I’m sorry)

                             8 December 1984

   CHARLIE      why so short, not more

                      10 December 1991

3. Thursday 10 December 09, Turners

   KATSCHI   scrape open my eyelids (30 yrs)

                      16 December 1979

    NATHAN   12 April  1984 – 16 December 2003

                      they soon made me part of the patriot


4. Wednesday 16 December 2009, Turners Falls                                                                           

    ÁINE   the short, sweet weaver’s song

                6 October 1996 – 19 December 1997

5. Tuesday 22 December 2009, Turners Falls

     MIRI    daughter, mother; link in the daisy chain

                  Tuesday 23 December 1997

6. Thursday 24 December 2009, Greenfield

     TARI and TIKI    could anyone be more alive

                  born 25 December 1991


all photos, graphics, poems and text copyright 2009-2011 by anne nakis, unless otherwise stated. all rights reserved.