gjoer det vondt?

Page Sixty-one

Monday 8 March 2010     Turners Feels?

Two years ago today my animals and I had our last Monday in a home, our last Monday together. Two years ago tomorrow the sheriff’s deputy came at noon to put us out. As I’ve said before, this was an illegal, retaliatory eviction, but I couldn’t afford a lawyer. Two years ago this coming Wednesday, I signed away my family because I had no place to bring them to, and did this signing to a smarmy little document that wasn’t even legal. Of all the anniversaries on the calendar, this one is the worst. This trauma was the worst.

Gjør det vondt? Tá mé cailte gan mó charaí, mó chlan. Hvordan lever jeg endu? Hvorfor lever jeg endu?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wandering again, in heart and thoughts and memories. Yes, this is the anniversary. And because I don’t have a car, I cannot get to that house where we spent our last full day together two years ago today. Nor can I get into the woods where I walked my dear dogs two years ago. Trapped, hemmed in, thwarted: largely by poverty, but also by humans.

But I had another half to my life, the first half, in eastern Massachusetts. And there are many memories there as well that I can’t get to for lack of a car, and many places loved as dearly as the river and the canal and that woods here in Turners are loved. One place especially in eastern Mass is dear to me forever, and I can’t get there. Haluaisin lähteä merelle. Yes, lately I find myself wandering a little bit through languages again.

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