oh very young…

Page Seventy-five

Monday 17 May 2010                          Turners

what will you leave us this time?  —  cat stevens, before he was a muslim

I had an email today from someone I grew up with, someone I haven’t heard from since 1977. It was a nice email, not nasty or insulting in any way. I wasn’t called a delusional (this person found my website yesterday and thence my email).

She says I opened the door to literature for her way back when I was a teenager, and I’m frozen like the deer in the headlights to think that I had a positive effect on this girlhood friend when I was a know-it-all, depressed, Asperger’s weirdo teenager. That she even remembers my name and my existence is a great surprise, because I thought she’d forgotten all those things years ago. She even heard in the late 80’s that I was teaching at UMass. Heard it all that long time ago, and how?

Even a nonconformist, leftist, atheist Asperger’s misfit like Anne Nakis has sewn a few good seeds among humans along the way. But it’s always a tremendous shock to learn of one of those seeds. Because while I knew all my life that I gave good things to animals, good things that did them good, I have always felt myself on tremendously quaking ground with humans.

Hello to you again, my friend from the days of poker, piano and the power of the naive young. Thank you.


And now it’s September, and the communication between me and my girlhood friend continues.  I’m very grateful for this on many levels. First, because I’m more alone than ever in my life, now that the animals were taken and killed. Second, because she’s the smartest person I currently have in my life. The tremendous relief in talking to someone who is your intellectual equal is like ice water to a desert-trekker. And third, because, misfit as I am, she doesn’t try to change me, to re-make me into someone she could find more acceptable. Warts and all, I am accepted by her. Warts and all, I am valued by her. An extremely rare event in my existence, I can tell you. And she’s as atheistic as I am. I never have to hear “I’ll pray for you,” or “Maybe it’s god’s will,” or any other such simplistic and evasive drivel.


And she is equally valued by me. The heartbreak in this sweet picture is that we live so far apart, and cannot spend time together face-to-face. But I want to thank this friend who first appeared in my life when she was two years old, and to thank her in blogworld: In the absolute darkest time of my 57 years, you came back again, holding a small but nonetheless very beautiful candle. It shines for me every single time we write, or talk. Ten thousand tweet-thanks.

website   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




  1. Babs said,

    September 9, 2010 at 10:58 pm

    Thank you my friend. It is a marvel to me how we are so changed from those girls of so long ago, yet when we speak I still feel that deep and abiding connection.

  2. braon said,

    September 9, 2010 at 11:30 pm

    A historical connection that goes back many years is, to me, one of the most necessary facets of any meaningful relationship.

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